I usually like my pies oven-baked or grilled,
But one day I discovered my pie had been…killed!
Someone or something had murdered my dinner!
Who was it? Own up! Who did it? The sinner!
The Potato Peeler arrived at the scene at once,
And asked the Painting for an immediate response.
(The Painting depicted a lemon and lime,
And hung directly above the scene of the crime).
The Picture implored, “I must have been Framed!
I don’t want to hang! I shouldn’t be blamed!”
It soon became a high-profile Pillow Case,
As the culprit slipped in and out without leaving a trace.
The Garlic Press suddenly went wild with noise.
“We got an Ice Cream Scoop here boys!”
“A Table Salt and Car Battery!” the headline would be,
And they waited for news on the murder with glee.
Alas! The trail had gone cold. There wasn’t a crumb!
A Giant Crossword Puzzle it had all become.
But the serving spoon whispered, “I have something to tell:
This morning the knife had been sharpened too well”.
“She went off the Towel Rails! She gave me a fright!
And she sliced and she chopped nearly everything in sight!”
The Peeler exclaimed, “This is just what I need!
Finally! A crucial Extension Lead!”
Suddenly, he noticed the knife slide in,
Asked he, “Where the Dust Devil have you Kitchen Bin?”
“Who stabbed the pie in the Bedside Chest?
I know it was you! I should have guessed!”
“I can’t Cake Stand the pressure any more!
It was me!” cried the knife, and she made for the door.
“Bottle Stopp-er quick before she gets away!
She’s heading for the nonstick baking tray!”
As quick as a flash came the knife protector,
And smothered her like she was Hannibal Lecter.
“Toilet Brush Hold-er! Don’t let her scratch!
Those things are expensive. It’s the last of the batch!”
“I’ve been Tin Foiled!” she yelled as she fell to the floor,
And was Balloon Whisked away to the cutlery drawer.
The Painting was heartbroken. “I think you’ll agree,
She was usually so Three Piece Suite to me.”
“I must have been Window Blind!” he sobbed.
“That knife stole my heart, now I feel I’ve been robbed!”
“She Cork Screwed you over”, the Peeler chimed,
It’s best to try and Knife Block her out of your mind”.
Eventually the knife became blunt and calm.
“I’m sorry I caused so much Smoke Alarm”.
“I didn’t know the Kitchen Scale of what I did”.
And thus endeth the case of the stabbed pie lid.
© James Cappuccini 2014